April 19: JUNOS, MUSIC MONDAY and......LISTMANIA!!!
photo by Ilia Horsburgh.
Well, I hope like me, you really enjoyed the Junos, the awards where we celebrate Canadians who are doing super-well outside of Canada! Wheeeee! I did think the whole thing was actually very classy. Hats off to CARAS, the Canadian Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences. And oh to see the sights of St. John's. I love Newfoundland.
A few updates, I'm very excited to be playing London Music Club on May 8 with special guest AJ Croce. I'll be joined by London bass wiz Steve Clark on bass and Jenna and Ashley on backing vox. For tickets ($17/$19/$22) click here!
I'm also super excited to be MC-ing Music Monday at the RBC Centre in Sarnia on May 3. Come on out and say hi!
BUT NOW....it's time to switch gears for LISTMANIA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Awkward moments with humans happen all the time, but what happens when those humans are famous!? This week's list, is all about special moments yours truly has shared with people more famous than she. It is entitled....
Peter Gabriel
SETTING: Real World Studios, Box, England
EMM is eating soup (yes soup) at the dining room table at Real World Studios after being given a tour of the facilities by Canadian recording engineer and producer DAVID BOTTRILL. A tall man with greying hair enters the room.
EMM (to herself): Who is this guy – the walking dead?
Later, much later, EMM realizes it was PETER GABRIEL, owner of the whole place, her childhood everything, most beloved idol.
Tears.
lessons learned/observations made: if an old person walks by, he may be your idol. AND don’t be so fixated on soup.
Jerry Seinfeld
SETTING: Saturday Night Live, NBC Studios, NYC
It is 1999, the season premiere of Saturday Night Live featuring Jerry Seinfeld and David Bowie.
The show goes great. EMM is on top of the world, it being her first show with Bowie. The cast and all guests come out to wave goodbye as the end music plays. EMM cleverly positions herself right next to JERRY SEINFELD. JERRY takes one looks at EMM and wonders “who the hell is this?”.
If you ever watch the clip, you can see him edge away. EMM tries to cover up the diss by cozying up to whoever is next to her on the other side. Ouch Jerry Seinfeld. Ouch.
lessons learned/observations made: don't stand in the front row and wave goodbye on SNL if you're not COMPLETELY FAMOUS. you WILL be jostled to the back row.
Conan O’Brien
SETTING: New York City, backstage at Late Night with Conan O’Brien
CONAN comes backstage to greet the band of DAVID BOWIE, including backing vocalist from Canada, EMM GRYNER.
EMM (to the very, very, very tall CONAN, realizing she has nothing to say): I’m from Canada.
CONAN: I love Canada.
Silence/End of conversation.
lessons learned/observations made: It's totally ok to blame an awkward encounter such as this one on being 2 feet shorter than the other person. Can't hear!
David Bowie
SETTING: Kit Kat Klub, NYC
DAVID BOWIE and BAND play to a small intimate crowd. BOWIE introduces the band.
BOWIE: And on backing vocals, Emm Grinner!
Later, MARK PLATI, musical director tells BOWIE he pronounced “Gryner” incorrectly.
BOWIE: Grinner, Gryner, Boowie, Bowie, it’s all the same!
lessons learned/observations made: Call me Ned. I wouldn't have cared. I was SINGING WITH DAVID BOWIE.
Noel Gallagher
SETTING: Radio City Music Hall, NYC, backstage
Finally, years after her inexplicable Oasis obsession, EMM gets to meet Oasis songwriter NOEL GALLAGHER. EMM introduces herself.
EMM: My name is Emm.
NOEL: Just “M”?
EMM: I spell it E-M-M. I try to drag it out for as long as possible.
NOEL walks away.
lessons learned/observations made: Don't spell on the first date.
Annie Lennox
SETTING: Wembley Stadium, Wembley, England, backstage
ANNIE LENNOX walks by with her kids. She is as gorgeous in real life as she is in videos and photos. No, she is more gorgeous.
EMM (to herself): I don’t need to run up and talk to her, I’ll see her again.
EMM NEVER SEES ANNIE LENNOX AGAIN.
lessons learned/observations made: when you hob nob with high society you take everything for granted. Someone please tell the Bieber.
Various supermodels
SETTING: North Hollywood
EMM takes a self-defence class for 6 weeks. During this time, which includes loads of interaction with each other and opening up about feelings etc, she notices that a group of girls is always hanging out together, but is unaware they are supermodels Kirsty Hume, Ivana Milicevic, Guinevere Van Seenus and others.
EMM (to Ivana): So, like, how do you guys know each other?
IVANA: From around. (walks away).
lessons learned/observations made: When you’re out to kick some groin, you sure don’t notice when you’re SURROUNDED BY SUPERMODELS.
Rufus Wainwright
SETTING: Outremont, Quebec. Chez Wainwright, 2003. EMM lives on the bottom floor, RUFUS and KATE his mom live on the 2nd and 3rd floors.
EMM is taking out the trash when RUFUS flees to the balcony.
EMM (excitedly, to herself): Finally, a chance meeting with Rufus! He wants to chat music with MEEE!
RUFUS (after a pause): Oh, I thought you were a burglar. (goes back inside).
lessons learned/observations made: Time to become a burglar.
Ben Stiller
SETTING: Coffee Bean, Hollywood
EMM touches BEN STILLER’S elbow.
BEN (turns around): Hello?
EMM: I’m from Canada. My brother lives here.
BEN: Okay. (walks away.)
lessons learned/observations made: Don’t touch Ben Stiller’s elbow no matter how many "Blue Steel" poses you've done. You have NOTHING IN COMMON.
Bic Runga, sort of
SETTING: Dublin bus, somewhere in Dublin
EMM is spotted on the bus with her bass guitar.
STRANGER: Are you Bic Runga?
EMM: No.
STRANGER: Are you sure?
EMM: Yes.
lessons learned/observations made: through Guinness-coloured glasses, everyone Asian looks the same.
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